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Hindu Parents-Please advise me

My-India.Net: India Forum: India Society & Culture: Hindu Parents-Please advise me

By sweet-talk on Thursday, August 16, 2007 - 07:37 am: Edit Post

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Message:
Hello Everyone, I need some advice. I am a westerner who has fallen for an Indian guy I met online. We have talked about marriage and are planning to meet but I know how difficult this will be for his strict Hindu parents to accept. How can I make it easier for them? What should I do?
sweet-talk
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Message: Elope with your hindu boyfriend. After you become pregnant from him, inform his parents. If you are already pregnant, his parents would have no choice but to accept the marriage. If you won't want to go to that extent, then fake it. Even if you are not pregnant, tell his parents that you are pregnant from him. Hope that works. Good luck.
Katherine
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Message: Are you serious? Isn't it awful to start a relationship with his parents by lying to them? -sertasheep

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Message: don't go by the pregnant trick. I'm sure the parents will see the light at the end of the tunnel eventually. After all, if the guy is determined,and truly in love with you, you must go ahead no matter what the opposition. Are you sure this Indian you're intending to marry is not just interested in a green card!? -Katherine

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Message: I feel sure. I am from New Zealand and he has a work visa in the states. He wants to stay working there.
-Baz
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Message: Hindu parents are like any other: they want nothing but the best for their children and that sometimes translates into a fanatical desire to seek out 'like minded' people with similar backgrounds. I can tell you that I have a Hindu wife and am a !
Westerner and Indiaphile. Frankly, am surprised that one of your responses asked whether "this Indian just wanted a green card?" Perhaps, that tells you everything you need to know about how your Hindu (read = Indian) man is likely to be treated by the western people you run into. His parents WILL come around - HE needs to be straight and strong (read=firm) with them and ALL will come right in the end. DO NOT do the pregnant thing because I think it sets a bad precedent. Good luck you may NOT need it.
-sertasheep
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Message: I agree with BAZ here. Its sad that there have been incidents of piggy back riding on the hopes that one would get a green card.
-arun
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Message:
hi, you can email me if your still looking for advice and we can go from there..ar -Ali

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Message:
Hi there Kat, My main concern is that you met this guy online!!! However, if you are sure that all he says is true and if you've met up before, then I would try to embrace the culture. I know it doesn't sound appealing, and it is certainly different from what you are probably used to, but I think it would show his family that you really care. It would make THEM feel comfortable. Of course, once you are married, and in the privacy of your own home, you can do what you like. But I think to try and learn about indian culture, and to show respect in front of his parents will help you to set their mind at ease.
I hope it all goes well.
-Ali
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Message: true happiness lies in finding somebody from the same background as you.Same religion ,roughly the same education and experiences durin your younger days.Love disappears after a while if it was ever present.Other factors come to keep the marriage alive and if they are very different the relationship is doomed.A relationship born in motherboard and dots and bytes and monitors instead of the watchful eyes of a trusted chaperon can be very hazardous to A GUY OR A GAL.BEWARE. -madison
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Message: i need some advice.. I am 18,and my boyfriend is indian and 25, he is caring, sweet, kind, and i love him.I want to move in with him,But my parents well are very "uneducated" and excpect me to be with a white hick.Thats not what i want.Can anyone give me some advice how to tell my parents without them freaking out and hating him or disowning me? Regardless of there reaction i am going to be with him.We just both want them in our lives.
aswin
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Message: never go by the idea of pregnency, it will make bad impression of you in the minds of his parents . as a girl who has conceived earlier to marriege wont be a good choice to be made the bride .so leave that part , and approach them more in a convincing manner.
good luck.
-Abhi
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Message:
DON'T DO IT...PLEASE DON'T. YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF OUR INDIAN CULTURE AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU MISERABLE.
HE MAY BE A NICE GUY...BUT NICE GUYS DO NOT MAKE NICE HUSBANDS. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM MARRIED TO A WESTERNER MY SELF AND I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS. WE INDIANS HAVE A IMAGE IN OUR MIND ABOUT WOMEN AND YOU DON'T EVEN REMOTELY FIT THAT.
INDIAN MEN ARE USUALLY THEIR MAMA'S PET. SORRY GUYS BUT THIS IS TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT. FOR ALL THAT WE KNOW HE JUST COULD BE EYEING A GREEN CARD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. JUST INCASE YOU WISH TO GO AHEAD...SAVE MY EMAIL AND LET ME KNOW IN 6 MONTHS WHEN YOU ARE MISERABLE.
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Message: Caps-lock guy, you're a moron.
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Date: January 01, 2007 at 22:14:36
From: om, [adsl-75-31-75-91.dsl.irvnca.sbcglobal.net]
Subject: Re: Hindu Parents-Please advise me
I married an american 22 years ago. My mother often says she could not have gotten a better daughter-inlaw. It is my experience that our respective parents are our respective responsibilities. I told my mother that she is my responsibility not my wife's and she agreed. It is upto the Indian in question to advise his parent.As a western You need to be true to your heritage and allow enough time to discover the meeting point. The fact that his parents are important to you says much about you. I feel they would be lucky to have you in their family.Best of luck.om
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Date: October 20, 2006 at 22:34:49
From: jig, [24-107-18-75.dhcp.stls.mo.charter.com]
Subject: Re: Hindu Parents-Please advise me
Hi all,
Complicated situation!
Here is the story: I have been with this american girl since my senior year of Highschool, she was 17 and I was 18 when we met. I hid the relationship from my parents for 4 years I'm 22 now, yes! I should be shot! I recently finally told them and of course, they went ballistic! It's been over a week now. Within the week, they have went to the extreme! they threatened to call the police, they threated to take my apartment way, they took my car away. More on the girl, she is really hard working, caring, sweet, has never used me for money(as most parents automatically assume). She usually ends up buying me expensive things. The problem is that, my parents keep giving me guilt trips and stuff to come back home. We have been fighting for a week now, I have tried to be diplomatic, but they go to extreme extremes; including making us both sign a paper saying that if i commit suicide that it would be her fault, but she still signed it freely, and telling her that if they have a heart attack that its her fault! I understand, that they are really ticked off, because i waited so long to tell them and that my mom is totally heartbroken! They have tried to explain to me that She is going to leave me like most american girls do because our culture doesn't match, but she has done everything; including cooking indian food, respecting my parents through out this whole mess, etc. Yet, they still dont understand that They use an example of an uncle that it happend to. I don't know how to or even if they want to be convinced that there are people out there that have been together forever. They keep threatening that they will go back to india, and things like that. I have been trying to give them space, but they are not trying to understand the situation at all! Should I start ignoring them to give them space?
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Date: December 24, 2005 at 06:21:15
From: Narang, [165.46.112.213]
Subject: Re: Hindu Parents-Please advise me
Hi, I m a hindu parent. Hindu Religion is most open to thoughts of other reliogns and u vl not find it difficult to settle in one of our houses. Do as the ur friend(wud be husband) tells u, he will take u across. Do let me know if u r in Delhi and v can help u too.best regards.


By sarina l garland on Sunday, October 05, 2008 - 09:48 am: Edit Post

i am a white american girl and i am also with a nepaln guy he is hindu i have no religon we have been together a year and something i love him and want to marry eith him i am very afraid of his parents and family not accepting me and he is affraid to i mean they dont even know about me help what should i do???


By jobanbalagan on Thursday, July 15, 2010 - 04:11 am: Edit Post

It is very strange for some boys or girls to fall in line with some one who is on line. That person may be a fictitious person, not with his or her real name. They will get cheated and frustrated at the end of this journey. After meeting someone on line, you have to conduct a discreet inquiry into the whereabouts and the antecedents of the person concerned. There are many service providers who can verify the details. First, get all the details of that person concerned and then entrust this job to a professional agency in India.

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